I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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