Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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