Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
