I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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