sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
