By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
