Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
