He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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