You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
