If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
