guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize