Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
