i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
