she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
