I think I died a long time ago.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
