Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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