i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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