smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
