I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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