we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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