My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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