My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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