My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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