i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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