You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
