just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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