New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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