She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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