we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
