well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
