Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
