i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
