Taylor Swift is so right about you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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