she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
