I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
