she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
