Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
