Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
