Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Randomize
