in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
