Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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(419): View more from Ohio

The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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(720): View more from Colorado

This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.

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(206): View more from Washington

Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.

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(515): View more from Iowa

You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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(516): View more from New York

How can you tell that you're blacked out ?

(1-516): View more from New York

You can feel it in your nipples.

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(925): View more from California

I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.

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