I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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