My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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