Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
