ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
