someone threw a dead crab at me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
