someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
