New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
