Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
