can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
