i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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