The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
