Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
