Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
