mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
