ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
