Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
