This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
