me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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