having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
