She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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