saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
