"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
