I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
