Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize