I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
