Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
