She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
