Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The air taste purple.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
