FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry about my life...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
