maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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