I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
