dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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