we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
