Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
