it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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