her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
