I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Watching her eat just hurts me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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