do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
